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I wish you could put your ear up to my heart and hear how much I love you

empty another bottle, and let me tear you to pieces

6/18/05 12:47 pm - Always weigh what i got, against what i left. So progress report, I am missing you to death

Summer...wow. Dang its like almost half over already! My summer hasnt been productive at all. It's almost like last summer...except more exciting. I've actually been quite busy. Specially with basketball and working out. It's been crazy, but its been worth it. My love life...has disapeared. and honestly...i dont mind it at all. I mean i have my eye on a few people...but its nothing thats not gonna get away from me. A few, are even impossible. But yet, i still try. You're only a kid once right? And i mean...whats living without loving and caring? And whats Love without a crush? I mean...its all good. But my heart doesnt expect to be broken from any of these crushes. But how can your heart break when it wasnt even whole to start with? you know? But whatever. I'm just talk'n jus to talk. And its all good..cause i deserve it. But if you're reading this and you THINK i might have a crush on you...dont hurt me...cause i dont think i can take anymore of it...

Anyways... Contact me if you would like to hang out or anything <33
Tags:
Current Music: Fall out Boy.
Current Mood: depressed

4/24/05 09:55 pm - You found me, when nobody else was look'n.

Im so god damn happy. ALL my dreams are come'n true. Everything in my life....is so perfect.

Finally!

< 3333
Current Music: You found me-kelly clarkson
Current Mood: energetic

3/20/05 11:11 am - I've become content with this life that I lead where i drink to much and dont believe in much

Woo alright. today is the last day of spring break. Not that i dont like spring break, but I'd just rather be in school. You know? sounds crazy...but yea...thats me. hmm spring break was really great, but alot of things were real crazy. Like with friends and stuff. I just got into a lot of arguments. Like specially with my close ones. It was like...i was fighting for how i feel? thats just pathetic. Like why do i gotta fight when i know in my heart how i feel, no one can change that....It was all just stupid. Hmm..also, life isnt fair. And im starting to notice all of this. Like i knew it wasnt fair, but im starting to find in-depth arguments. Like that, most of the people in this world are in favor of my failure. Now that doesnt mean the whole worlds against me....it just means, alot of people would rather see me fail instead of succeed. Like...im starting to see this first class....specially with people who in the past claimed they cared about me so much. And people who said they would never cause any harm/hurt me.....ive come to realize...its all just words. And many of 'em never ment anything by them, except for me to gain security in that moment. And then when you take a look at the big picture...they have been causing harm to you for months. when they said they wouldnt? And the actual funny part about it......is that they realize that they are hurting you. And then your life just sucks. Cause these people that you were convinced that were out to only bring goodness and happiness to you.....are causing you all this pain that you cant do anything about. But its hard to talk to the person, cause they are so happy in this stage in their life. And all you've ever wanted...is just to see them happy. So its just best to walk-away from these people. But its hard to just....walk away for 'em when they've been a huge part of your life for so long. : \ so this is were im caught up right now. so someone please help me...

Oh and I'd like to send out a specially apology to erin michelle goheen, for having to put up with all my bull-shit. Im sorry we always get into arguments about all my problems....and then i get mad at you for telling me things that are always right.... Sorry kiddo.
Current Music: Some song on the country mix-goheen made me : )
Current Mood: confused

3/14/05 03:43 pm - I die trying to keep myself from kissing you </3

alright, w'll i'm updating this for all the people who like yelled at me for not updating it, and who still actually read this.... w'll anyways. Today is Monday March 14, 2005 and I will be turning 15 in 4 days. Oh yes. Suhweet. So i better get like 40 calls at midnight from all you people wishing me a happy birthday! haha. well anyways...so far, spring break has been pretty sweet so far. Hopefully it will get better. hm...i'm look'n forward to seeing the ring two. Oh yes, better believe it! haha. well anyways...im out...so gimme a call if you wanna chill this week <3 <3
Current Music: just a lil bit-50cent
Current Mood: enthralled

3/5/05 01:14 pm

Life sucks. real bad.
Current Mood: depressed

2/9/05 09:00 pm - Does it cost me scaring if the words stay true?

OKay so i havent really updated in a really long time...so i thought i would fill you in on whats been up in my life...

For one...ive been extra busy with basketball and school. I'm officially failing mathematics. it's pretty much pathetic. I do all my homework, but i failing all the quizzes. sucks really bad. Hmm...and ive been thinking alot....i havent been that depressed...but ive had my fare-share of depression. Okay... so i'm going to be extra deep here...

"Complete and Total Admiration"

Admiration,
I admire you,
Every part about you that I hate,
Is every thing I'm unfamiliar with.
And I dream that I could discover everything
there will ever be to know about you.
Like the way your mind works.
Long and thought-out process shine light on whats still to come.
Like the unveiling of loneliness.
Striving for something thats no longer there.
Admiring from an unfamiliar distance.
I'm loosing track on what is unreal,
I've caught onto being real so quick,
where has the rest of my life gone?
Where has it disappeared to?
Because its no longer in my sights.
It's no longer in a comfortable distance.
But when has comfort ever meant a thing?
Maybe when I decide to grow up,
Maybe then i can admire from a closer distance.

Pretty lame...i know, but hmm tell me what you're thinking... Comment bitches! or just tell me. haha.
Current Music: lala-ashlee simpson! haha
Current Mood: ??

2/2/05 04:25 pm - Lifes a bitch...

I am 69% Asshole/Bitch.
Sort of Assholy or Bitchy!
I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.


Boo yea! im 69% bitch! beat that! haha i truely am a bitch.

Well anyways...ive been pretty depressed lately...so yea. Well im to depressed to write anything else so...ill talk to you later...
Current Music: Just enough to love you-Bayside
Current Mood: depressed

1/24/05 05:50 pm - Since you been gone....

Whoa...I havent updated in FOREVER! whoo ive been grounded like mad... Well...School sucks as always. And the only fun i've had is....basketball. When basketball starts being fun, you know you have no social life. woo im such a loser. So anyways....I think I should go before i get shayna in trouble for sneaking me online! <3 everyone
Current Music: Balla Baby
Current Mood: So bored!

1/4/05 09:42 pm

So i havent updated in awhile...so heres whats i think you should do...

1. Check out my My space bitches.

2. Check out my hot new years pictures.... http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?username=BabyBallerGirl318&x=10&y=11

3. Comment on this lame livejournal entry...now.
Current Music: None : )
Current Mood: Jolly

12/31/04 01:17 pm - I know I wont be leaving here....with you.

Alright so this week has been soooooo freaken boring. Monday-Thursday morning i had basketball practice...so i was like tired the rest of the days...and naturally too lazy to do anything all day....And then Monday i didnt feel to hot...then Tuesday...I came down with the 'flu' from my sister..So i've head headaches and such alllll freaken week. And then yesterday i got better...and today im perfect. So thats good. Hmm i dont have plans for new years so i dont know...I dont think im going to either...Cause its my dads birthday and all tomorrow. So anyways...

Amanda's New Years Resolutions
 1. Be nicer and more understanding of others.
2. Hmm start working hardcore and earning some money
3. Start being more loving and compassionate.
4. Be honest. Tell the truth.
5. Be true to myself.

Well thats all for now...Comment on what your resolutions are...

12/30/04 03:26 pm

Just another day of break.....

Comment or call if you want to do something for new years!!!
Current Music: Lady in a blue dress-Senses fail
Current Mood: bored

12/26/04 08:31 pm

okay...well... this break sucks, and im ready to go back to school. hardcore. I cant stand constantly being at home w/ my mother effen parents. well anyways...here are some songs to describe how i feel..
Mr. Brightside- The killers
Just enough to love you-Bayside
Alone in December-Underoath
The greatest fall of all time-Matchbook romance
Helena-My chemical romance
Falling for you-Underscore
Shadows like Statues-Matchbook romance
Sleepless-Underscore
Letting go of Tonight-Underoath
I caught fire(in your eyes)-The used
Smile-Unsung Zeros

Anyways...ill update later...
Current Music: pardon me- Incubus
Current Mood: depressed

12/24/04 01:26 pm - Sometimes i wanna be your lover, sometimes i just wanna be your friend.

Okay, so i just got finished watching "cinderella story" with shayna. Now ive watched that movie at least 9 times. Ive almost watched it more than mean girls. Whew that would be a shame. Well anyways... I hate those 'romantic-teen-comedies' They piss me off. They make me so angry. First off....Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, or like...mandy moore...ALWAYS goes to school...and falls in love with the popular kid and then the popular kid falls in love with them. Well you know what...ive been in school for 10 years...and ive yet to have a popular kid fall in love with me. Or even anyone fall in love with me. Ive fallen in love with someone...but they've never loved me back. Maybe its a curse or what not...or maybe its just cause im plain ugly and not that appealing. Whatever it is...i hate that part of the movie. Second off...Those movies always give me hope that miracles actually happen. I'm 14 and ive yet to witness a miracle. Nor, do i even believe in them. I mean after watching those movies...you kinda do have some kind of hope, but then you realize that its just a movie. So ive come to my conclusion... miracles DO NOT happen if somebody wants to try and convince me that they do...then go for it...dont know that i will believe you...but otherwise..miracles only happen in movies. Another thing i want to complain about...people say that if you pray enough...then you will get what you want; your dreams will come true. This too is bull shit. Ive been praying everyday...ive spent more time wishing and dreaming and wasting my time for a so-called 'blessing' to come my way. Nah never happened. Maybe im not going about it the right way. Maybe it just wasnt ment to happen, but i still have hope that if i pray hard enough and wish upon every star that i see....maybe something will change peoples mind...but nah...hasnt happened. Ive lost so much hope in these situations...its so stupid. Anyways....my conclusion of conclusions....TEEN POP IDOLS NEED TO STOP MAKING SAPPY ROMANTIC MOVIES!

ps. I caught the bug my daddy has... : \ so come over and make me smile : )

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss The only words that can describe how i feel.
Current Music: mr. brightside-The killers <-- my anthem.
Current Mood: depressed and hopeless

12/22/04 10:00 pm - Do you remeber when we met, you told me this gets harder - well it did



Tuesday- i went to work w/ my mom...then i didnt really want to sit and watch her work...so i went to the varsity game w/ my sister... Then i went home and chilled.. THEN GOT NAPOLEON DYNAMITE! hardcore...and then i went and took my sister to her little team party...and we were watching the movie on my laptop and then i got asked to stay and eat pizza...and how am i soposed to pass up pizza? c'mon now people...then i got forced to go to the ASU game? like i really wanted to spend my night watching more basketball...and being surrounded by...well i wont go there (haha jenkie) then i went home and went straight to bed...i think there were sleeping drugs in that pizza...

anyways...

Today- my sister decided that she REALLY wanted to go to the varsity game again...holy crap...but only cause she wanted her camera that she'd left in Ms.Riley's cabinet...and then riley left it at home...which totally defeated the purpose of us going! but thats okay...at least i got outa the house...and erin and my mom went and ran errands ( ithink thats how you spell it) and then i went home and here i am now...bored as a mofo and i just watched mean girls for the 10th time this break...amen.

"you wanna do something fun? You wanna go to taco bell?" <--- my random mean girls quote of the day...

Comment on what you think of your neighbors? haha im so lame...
Current Music: It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish-MCR
Current Mood: lazy

12/20/04 09:05 pm - What i really ment to say, is im sorry for the way i am, I never ment to be so cold...


Here's a catch-up on the last two days of my life...
Yesterday- I went to mills mall...for like no reason at all?
And i got...
2 pairs of pants
1 belt
3 accesories...(hmmm...)
1 shirt
more spandex haha
1 pair of shoes...
1 necklace...
And a few other little things...
So we were on our way to mills and my sister asks..
"mom whats a cabaret"
Cause you know how you go buy Kristies or what not...
And my mom explained it to her...funny stuff...
Then today...
I got home reallllllllllllllllllllll early this morning...(4)
then my dad was like...hey lets go shopping...
So we went like 2 hours away and i got new basketball shoes
They are tight...they are adidas and blue...
My mom bought them for me again...
So you know what that means...
And umm...i got other adidas shoes...they are awwwesome...
So yea that was my two days...
Current Music: Take me out-franz ferinad?
Current Mood: awake

12/14/04 08:07 pm - I tell lies just to get into your mind.


Tonight was the last night of hanukkah,
Hanukkah Harry was good to me this year.
I am happy, i got a new cell,
You'll have to get in contact w/ me if you want the #.
Hmm...basketball's been pretty gay...
Had to sit out of one game...
I've come to hate desert vista...
It hasnt been treating me well.
But thats about it.
hmm...holler?
Current Music: Blind Sight-Ryan Cabrera...my song </3
Current Mood: confused

12/8/04 04:03 pm

Happy Hanukkah Jerks.

12/5/04 04:20 pm - She only want me for my pimpjuice! hahaha

alright so im over it...holy crap over it...

But...we lost yesterday to st. marys...our alltime rivals...so im pissed. If our coach wouldnt have called a time-out...then we woulda won. But nope...he called a timeout. But we only lost by 1. So its all good. so we're 3-1. which is still really good. So im pleased...even tho i played the crapiest game of my life...im happy.

Well anyways...thank you for all the people that came...it made me feel happy... well ill write later... -gilmore!
Current Music: Pimp Juice-Nelly
Current Mood: accomplished

11/28/04 08:21 pm

new dog and new shoes....this day couldnt get any better...

11/26/04 08:41 pm - i feel like running head first into trafic.

Alright, heres the deal. People have to start comming to my games.so many people go to the Varsity games, and for the JV and Frosh games, its dead. So i say, i need some support. I need people to go to the games, and cheer me on, like last year, when like every 8th grader at akimel went to the games....so put on a dv shirt and come to a game...and bring a friend!

Alright, so my break has been alright. Not to great, i had practice this morning, and i was lazy, so i didnt want to practice, so i just like...pretended i was running. the Poor freshies ran like a mile. So im sore, and sick of basketball already : )
I'm out! holler!
Current Music: drop it like its hawwwwwt haha!
Current Mood: alright.
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